Could there be an easier way? Pretty please?

Here I am on my laptop, after laying awake since the early hours of the morning ...

Not sure if I'll actually ever publish this post,
but writing it anyways as I have a feeling it will be therapeutic for me.

In one month, I will board that plane once again - and then the second one - that will take me back to my beloved Uganda.

This time, with Kylie.

The first of my children to come with me, after God spoke to her a year ago that she needed to come with me to Uganda as a first step to her calling into missions.

Exciting and daunting at the same time.

This week, our tickets will need to be purchased.

With (harmless yet annoying) mosquitoes buzzing around my ears in the night, I make a mental note to buy LOTS of mosquito repellant - the strongest kind - for the 2 of us - to lather our bodies with every waking hour for our 3 weeks in Uganda.

Cuz in Uganda, mozzies aren't harmless.

(Nights should be fine under the mosquito net.)

And I need to make that appointment with the travel doctor for Kylie's vaccination.

And get malaria medicine - and and and....

From experience I know that the next 3 months will be intense, like every time I travel.

There are all the preparations, then the trip itself and the readjustment when I come back home.

3 months.

This coming month will be filled with preparations of all kinds - on top of normal life - not the least organizing every hour of every day for the care and schooling of Shayden.

Hundreds of details.

When I sat in the plane that took me to Germany less than 3 months ago, utterly exhausted from the preparations, I promised myself that I wouldn't dare leave again for another trip for at least 6 months. And here I am again. This seems to be God's appointed time.

It's complicated.

It's hard.

It's draining.

Thoughts keep flooding me - about how I am not the right person for the job.

Couldn't God have chosen somebody more fitting?

Surely I must have been His plan B - or C....

I am fragile.

My health is - just recuperating from a flu at the moment.

My (our) finances are - how are we going to pay for all the expenses of this trip for the two of us?

My heart is - when something is occupying my heart, I don't sleep well.
I am not anxious or worried, but it just affects me.

I don't travel well.

Have terrible jet-lag and need to take sleeping pills every single night for about 6 weeks surrounding each trip. And nowadays, they only knock me out for a few hours.

My heart gets so messed up.

Living in two worlds is hard in the best of times.

Though my heart and thoughts are in Uganda many times daily and much of my work is centered around the ministry there, I find a certain 'normal' in between trips.

Then I travel there again - my heart gets ripped open again.

The raw emotions are inexplainable.

The physical distance makes for a degree of emotional distance.

But then I am there again:

I experience the sights, sounds, smells,

the life, the children, the family, the love, the laughter, the fellowship,

the needs and some hard things to 'digest' - happens every time.

I am apprehensive - tremble in my inmost being - about going again.

Loving again.

Seeing again.

Enjoying again.

Getting challenged and inspired again.

And then leaving again.

Experiencing the pain again.

Missing everybody and everything again.

And I hesitate

I am not sure I am up for this.

My life could be so comfortable here in beautiful New Zealand:

Home-schooling, living life, being a grandma, involved in church and the neighbourhood, enjoying the beautiful creation around us - and why not taking up a paying part-time job...

Why am I doing this to myself - and to my family - who also pay a price for my state-of-being?

Is there an easier way to follow the call of God on my life?

Any way out?

I already know the answer.

No, there isn't.

There's pain and there's going to be pain.

My life isn't mine.

I have surrendered it to the lover of my soul a long time ago.

And He has chosen this life for me.

He has never promised that it would be easy.

But He is worthy.

Every time my heart gets pierced, I am broken-hearted and pained,
he is sharing a glimpse of His own heart with me.

I have never learned so much about my Jesus than through my involvement with Uganda.

SOOO MUCH!!!

Amongst many other things,

He also didn't choose the easy route.

He also could have stayed ever so comfortably in heaven.

And yet he chose the hard road.

WAY harder than mine!

Jesus, this morning, I am just crying out to you.

Take me by your hand.

Help me.

Strengthen me.

Give me courage to walk this road.

Provide for all the needs.

My heart is steadfast, entrusting myself into your loving and capable hands.

And here I go - courageously pushing that button

If for no other reason than for myself - as a reminder :-)

Picking myself up off the floor

Exactly 6 years ago today was the first time I posted on here about a dire need in Uganda regarding Praise and her children and through this post, money was released. 

(Praise was going to find herself and her then 17 children on the street for lack of money for rent.)

Here I am sitting in my quiet house that's still recuperating from New Year's Eve late night,

trying to pick myself off the floor.

6 years!

So much has happened since that day!!! Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined what was going to develop from that first blog post - and Praise's and my relationship 

(in those days she called me sister - hehehe!)

Actually, allow me to back up yet another year:

7 years ago!

There was no blog post, 

but I remember as vividly as if it was today:

Rich and I had just returned from our first exploratory trip to Uganda.

All I wanted to do was lay on the dirt floor,

face down

and stay there for one month.

BAM!

What I had witnessed about the needs - especially of children - there

as well as the Ugandan people I met making a difference

had me floored.

Humbled.

An emotional mess.

(Of course, I wasn't able to do that, as family duties were calling,

 but a mess I was alright... just ask my children)

Fast forward to yesterday afternoon:

I once again felt floored.

Humbled.

An emotional mess.

For very different reasons, however.

In the past few months, God has been accelerating the growth of Maisha Africa in ways that I can hardly keep up with. Even though the monthly running costs for the ministry are a constant challenge,

just in the past month 

(not speaking of the previous months where God also released other properties etc), the property-purchase for our preschool was funded and construction of the permanent preschool building started just before Christmas.

A few days ago, money was released for 2 acres of property for agriculture.

Children working in another property we were gifted with this year  - growing food for now
(dreaming of a playground and soccer field on that property that's adjoining the school)

And yesterday afternoon, I got an email from a couple

(I had connected with the wife, an acquaintance, at the swimming pool some time back!)

who informed me that they wanted to invest

NZ$35,000

into the construction of a 

Place called Home

for Praise, Moses and their children!

$35,000???!!!

Did I read that right???

I put on my reading glasses to make sure that I had counted up the zeros properly.

Yup

Sure enough!

BAM!

I started balling

like I used to ball when I first came back from Uganda

Fell on the floor

crying

this time for joy

in worship to GOD!

OVERWHELMED

at what ONLY HE could be doing on behalf of the precious children in Uganda!

We'd been praying and trying to fund-raise for a permanent home for Praise, Moses and the children.

For the past few years, Praise, Moses, and 12 of their kids (the others staying in the village in the boarding school) have been living in a rented home.

But the owner wanted the home back already a couple months ago. No other rental could be found anywhere near where it was needed and so she graciously allowed us to stay another 6 months.

Long story short, we had a property and a few thousand dollars.

Not nearly enough to build that home.

Yet time was pressing, as the owner REALLY wants her rental back by the end of April.

Through this gift, we can soon start building, as we 'only' need another $15,000.

And we trust that

God

the father of the fatherless

will provide that as well!

On a side note:

I have traveled to Uganda every single year for the past 7 years

sometimes even twice.

2017 was the first year that I didn't set foot on that beloved land.

(had family commitments this year that kept me from traveling there)

Sniff!

But wait!

I didn't need to go this year.

The ministry is going so well without me needing to be there in person.

Thank you, internet!

And co-workers and others went instead of me.

In 2017,

23 people (YWAMers) went to Uganda to minister in different capacities.

God is moving

multiplying

accelerating

BECAUSE HE LOVES THEM!!!!

And that's what thrills me and encourages me to push forward.

I do HAVE TO add one more thing:

What I SO love about what God is doing is the PEOPLE he is raising up here and there around the world in different capacities to work with me/us! 

It is definitely a team-effort of many

and it 

BLOWS.MY.MIND!

I am exceedingly grateful for each one!

You know who you are.

THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH FOR YOUR HEART AND INVESTMENT OF PRAYER, TIME, HARD WORK, EXPERTISE, ADVISE AND FINANCES! 

If it takes a village to raise a child, what about many children?

It takes the world! Hahahaha!