Even though I still have crying "spells" that overcome me by the thought of Shayden leaving us soon, they are not so often anymore - and not so intense - although I'm sure there'll be LOTS of ups and downs in the next little while. THANK YOU, if you have been praying!!!
After the last post, I took some time really pouring out my heart to God, crying before him in my own pain, crying out to him for Shayden, and felt to read Psalms 145 and the following Psalms. What a GOOOOOOD time!!!
I felt comforted and reassured that GOD WILL FIND A GOOD FAMILY for Shayden and take care of him!
"The Lord is good to ALL, and His tender mercies are over ALL his works" Ps.145,9 - this includes Shayden!
"The Lord is near to all who call upon Him, to all who call upon Him sincerely and in truth.
He will fulfill the desires of those who reverently and worshipfully fear Him; He will also hear their cry and will save them." Ps.145:18-19
That's me and my desire is for the best possible family for Shayden!
"The Lord upholds the fatherless." Ps.146:9
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds - curing their pains and their sorrows." Ps. 147:3
Also, for a while now, I have felt to sing Psalm 23 (by Keith Green) over Shayden every evening when I feed him his bottle and he is looking intently into my eyes - kind of as a declaration over his life. This is what I sing:
The Lord is your sheperd, you shall not want!
He makes you lie down in green pastures.
He leads you besides the still waters.
He restores your soul, and guides your paths in righteousness for his names' sake.
(forgot the middle part of the song and don't sing it)
Surely, goodness and loving kindness shall follow you all the days of your life.
And you will dwell in the house of the Lord forever and ever and ever.
AMEN!!! And good night - Shayden has been sleeping quite badly this whole week (is he sensing something? He's so sensitive) and I have been exhausted - and even started to drink coffee, which I never do, just so that I can make it through the days. Night!
2 comments:
You are amazing and my heart is feeling for you. Love ya.
I am so sorry about this. Parenting is hard. Foster parenting has to be extremely difficult. You have been a blessing to this little boy. We do not always understand God's plan , but HIS plan is perfect, even though it doesn't feel that way right now.
Do not feel guilty for grieving. This little man is apart of you. Do not feel guilty for letting him go.
If you were meant to continue as you are, God would have made it clear.
I will pray for you , your family , and Shayden.
Andrea
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