Starting to grieve

Pretty soon, this room will be empty... sighAs you know, it has become clear that we are not to be Shayden's permanent foster family.

YET, deep down inside of me, I was still secretly HOPING that somehow it would work out and we could keep him after all - at least for another year or so...???

Well, this past week-end, it has become VERY clear that he will need to be in another family before we go on our trip to Germany and the US in November.

There is still NO family out there for him, though, which makes it so much harder! It was so difficult telling the social worker on Monday that he will have to move on in November, no matter what.

We cannot take him with us on our trip, and I definitely cannot perceive taking him back after he's been separated from us for a couple of months!!! I would feel like such a traitor and not ever worthy of his trust again!

Soooo, this is IT! I feel like my heart is going to be ripped out - - - and I've already started grieving... told the family not to be surprised and not to ask me any questions when they see me crying or with red eyes in the next couple of months. It is going to be so very very very hard!!!

I think I will only be able to handle this by hanging on to GOD for dear life!!! And remember what he spoke to me a year ago about Shayden, "Don't be afraid of pain."

There has been plenty of pain already in the past year - it has been the hardest, yet most rewarding thing for me to care for Shayden - and even though there were many times when I thought I couldn't make it through, I did LOVE caring for him - so much - and I love him like my own child!!! He is such a delight!!!

Arrgghhh! I don't like pain!!! But I will go through it - with HIS GRACE!!!



How much more than I will Shayden need God's grace!!!



Could you PLEASE join me in praying fervently for a good permanent foster family to be found - NOW!!! The transition needs to be very gentle for the wee chap, since he is SO sensitive!!!